Library for Fun - Jokes and Joy

An Irishman in a wheel chair entered a restaurant one
afternoon and asked the waitress for a cup of coffee. He then looked across the
restaurant and asked, "Is that Jesus sitting over there?"The waitress
nodded, "Yes," so the Irishman told her to give Jesus a cup of coffee
on him. The next patron to come in was an Englishman with a hunched back. He
shuffled over to a booth, painfully sat down, and asked the waitress for a cup
of hot tea. He also glanced across the restaurant and asked, "Is that
Jesus over there?" The waitress nodded again, so the Englishman said,
"Give Jesus a cup of hot tea, too." The third patron to come into the
restaurant was a redneck on crutches. He hobbled over to a booth, sat down and
hollered, "Hey there sweet thang, how's about gettin' me a cold glass of
RC!" He, too, looked across the restaurant and asked, "Is that God's
boy over there?" The waitress nodded again, so the Redneck
said, "Give Jesus a cold glass of RC, too." As Jesus got up to
leave, he passed by the Irishman, touched him and said, "For your
kindness, you are healed." The Irishman felt the strength come back into
his legs, got up and danced a jig out the door. Jesus also passed by the Englishman,
touched him and said, "For your kindness, you are healed." The nglishman
felt his back straightening up, and he raised up his hands, praised the Lord
and did a series of back flips out the door. Then Jesus walked
towards the Redneck. The Redneck jumped up and yelled, "Hey, man,
don't touch me, I'm drawin' disability." These brothers were
incredibly mean---they lied, cheated, stole, blackmailed, you name it,
they did it. Well, anyway, they managed to acquire a lot of money. Then,
one of the brothers died. The other brother came to the local priest and
said, "You know how much you've been wanting to get a new bell tower on
the church? Well, if, during my brother's funeral, you call him a saint,
I'll write you a check for the tower right here and now." Well, the priest
thought about it and agreed. However, during the funeral, the
priest was completely cruel to the deceased brother, and highlighted each
of his faults. (it was a very long speech) Of course, the brother that was
listening was very angry, as the priest was not following through on the
deal. But, being a priest, lying was horrible, and the eulogy ended with
"but, compared to his brother, he was a saint."