A farmer wants to know how many sheep he has in his field, so he asks his border collie to count them. The dog runs into the field, counts them and runs back to the farmer. The farmer says, "How many?" The dog says, "40." The farmer is surprised and says, "How can there be 40 - I only bought 38!" The dog says, "I rounded them up."
Caffeine is proof that God loves us and wants us to pay attention.
The Lenscrafter technician got his tie caught in the machine and he made a spectacle of himself. (thanks to Raymond Yos)
If it wasn't for pickpockets, I'd have no sex life at all.
Where does virgin wool come from? Ugly sheep?
I've got some Carefree gum, but it hasn't kicked in yet. I'm worried.
If you're killed by a wild pig, does that mean you were boared to death?
Walking can add minutes to your life. That enables you at 85 to spend an additional 5 months in the nursing home at $7,000 per month.
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