How can you tell which bottle has the PMS medicine? It's the one with the teeth marks.
Life begins when you're born, and ends with an E.
I had to catch a train, so I got a really big mitt.
I have a Master's Degree in Engineering. I told the owner I'll return in in two days.
Willie Nelson got hit by a car yesterday. He was playing "On the Road Again".
Two buckets of vomit were walking down the street. One says to the other, "That's where I was brought up!"
How do you get Keith Richards out of a tree? Ask him for his autograph.
How do you find an Irish pirate? He's the one with patches over both eyes.
A woman discovers an intruder in the kitchen eating the leftover steak and kidney pie. The husband asks, "Should I call the police or an ambulance?"
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