If you're on a cruise...

If you're on a cruise, you're with newlyweds, over-feds and nearly deads!

How many men does it take to open a beer? None, it should be open when she brings it to you.  

Patient: "Doc, you have to help me. Some days I think I'm Mickey Mouse, some days I think I'm Donald Duck" Doctor: "How long have you had these Disney spells?"

I'm a big sports fan. I keep the athletes cool while they're playing.  

Did you hear about the two maggots making love in dead Earnest?

Are crop circles the work of a cereal killer?

Tony the Tiger was arrested for being a cereal killer.

Another way to say "water" is H2O. It sounds fancy, but it's just h, i, j, k, l, m, n and o.

If vampires have no reflection, how do they have such neat hair?

I have three beautiful children. I have four children, but only three are beautiful.

My friend is dieting. He says weight gain is due to water retention. My weight gain is due to ice cream retention.  

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