Never moon a werewolf.

To work at Starbucks, should you have graduated Magna Cum Latte?

Man: "Doctor, I think I'm a dog." Psychiatrist: "Mmmm. Interesting. Please lie down on the couch." Man: "I'm not allowed on the couch!"

I videotape my children a lot - because I think they're stealing from us.

Never moon a werewolf.

You really have to hand it to blind prostitutes!

Why can't a pony sing? Because it's a little horse. (

What do you get when you bake beans and onions together? Tear gas.

A blind man was calling an end to his relationship with his girlfriend. "I'm sorry, I can't see you anymore."

Can cross-eyed teachers control their pupils?

What goes around a button? A billy goat.

Is Visine.com a site for sore eyes?

I've told you a million times not to exaggerate!