I like bananas, but...

I like bananas, but they lose their appeal quickly.

I read a book on helium once. I couldn't put it down!

A chemist walks into a pharmacy and says, "Do you have any acetylsalicylic acid?" The pharmacist asks, "You mean aspirin?" "That's it, I can never remember the word."

"Doctor, there is a man here who thinks he's invisible." The doctor says, "Tell him I can't see him!"

There are only two things that are certain in this life - Death and Taxes. Unless you are wealthy - then there are Monaco and Cryogenics.

There was a girl I dated in high school whose name was Becky, but everyone called her "Lincoln" because all the guys took a shot at her in the balcony.

Why isn't palindrome spelled the same way backwards?

If a man doesn't have any fingers, can he be counted on? 

A man accidentally cut off all of his fingers with a saw. The doctor said, "Thank goodness for microsurgery. Give me the fingers, and I'll sew them back on!" The man said, "I couldn't pick them up!"