Little Johnny came home from his first day of school and said, "Mommy, the teacher was asking

me today if I have any brothers and sisters who will be coming to my school."

"That's nice of her to take such an interest in your family, dear. What did she say when you told her that you are the only child?" 
She just said, 
"Thank god!"

Little Johnny is approached by the lifeguard at the public swimming pool.
"You're not allowed to pee in the pool," said the lifeguard. "I'm going to report you."
"But everyone pees in the pool," said Little Johnny.
"Maybe," said the lifeguard, "but not from the diving board!"

Little Johnny's class were on an outing to their local police station where they saw pictures, of the ten most wanted men, tacked to a bulletin board. On the way out of the police station Little Johnny said to the officer, "it was so nice of you to put my daddy's picture up there."

Little Johnny returns from school and says he got an "F" in arithmetic.
"Why?" asks the father.
"The teacher asked 'How much is 2x3?' I said '6.'"
"But that's right!" The father replied.
"Then she asked me 'How much is 3x2?'"
"What the heck's the stupid difference?" asked the father.
"That's what I said!"